getting my dander up

I am about to do the unthinkable. Speak my mind the next rude comment I get.

Reflections

I have my medical terminology final today. Hope it stays in my head so I can do well on the final.
I am taking a break, the wood stove is going. Looking out the window to the field out back I see a frozen pone and frost on all the grass. I cut the Christmas tree yesterday. I hope to get it into the house this weekend.
How life is so different without Don. I am busy. I have an extra dog for about a month. I am babysitting my Godson tomorrow and Saturday all day. I have to get ready for Christmas. Haven't done my cards yet, but do have the Christmas letter written. I want to lay a wreath on Don's grave before Christmas.
My major desire is to be Holy. To follow God in all he asks me to do. To listen to Him better and to pray better and more. I want to be Joyful so I draw people to Christ, not complaining. I want to be aware of how I respond to others, would Jesus approve of my interaction? Would he approve of my words and actions?

Church's new year

This year my resolution is to be more joyful in all parts of my life. It is easy to be joyful with strangers and friends; harder to be so with family. Lord, help me to get over myself and into YOU. May I be joyful in all situations. May I learn my lessons from you well. When things get tough, what are you trying to teach me?

Boundaries

What do you do when people have no thought or care of your feelings, only theirs? Christ calls us to serve but not be walked on. To love unconditionally, but that doesn't encompass giving up any part of what Christ has called me to do. I do not have peace when I am around some people. That means I am not in God's peace. I am not listening to what I am supposed to do or say or act in that person's presence. Lord, give me the Grace and Wisdom to know, and the courage to change my actions. Change is what I need to do, despite other's reactions. God's peace at all costs.

Winter and Christmas are coming.

The season of Christmas will be the most difficult. Christmas was always Don's favorite.
I am going to just have a small tree and put it in the dining room. The living room gets too hot and a tree doesn't really fit with Pepere's desk in the tree spot anyway. I ordered dusk to dawn lights for the windows. I am not going to decorate the front trees with lights. I will get a wreath. The one saving Grace is Noah will be around.

Winter is coming

It has been 9 months today since my husband died. I am sad today.
I let my sauerkraut sit too long and ruined it. I have to start again.
I think I am about ready for winter. I have the roof insulated, the windows in, a door and new rug.
I get to see my grandson and son every other weekend.
My classes are doing fine. I am glad when they are over, but I am glad I am taking them.

Went to see my nephew race.

Well, I let everyone on facebook know I have a blog. I should write in it. I went Abbie to see my nephew race.

http://www.dartmouthsports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=11600&ATCLID=205731380

It was a blast. Rob and Noah are here for the weekend. Happy.

Sometimes there are few words

Sometimes you just can't put things into words.

Anyway, on to a cheerier note. I just went in to CMCC and got my books (WOW expensive) and found out where my Medical Terminology Class is going to be held tonight, AND got a student ID. Weird.
Yesterday was my CNA interview. That starts on the 10th of September. Not going to be completed as soon as I would like, but I will leave that to GOD to figure out.
Time to can tomatoes - again.

Life here I come

I signed up to start my violin lessons again.
Making Spaghetti sauce.

Never too late

Never too late can encompass many things. Never too late to ask for God's forgiveness, never too late to be willing to make amends, never too late to learn, never too late to change the direction of one's life.

My "never too late" is I quit my job teaching. The district and my philosophy of teaching and learning parted ways. We used to have the same vision, they changed.

It has been 6.5 months since my husband died. Friday would have been our 33 year together. We certainly had our ups and downs, even were a part for little awhile. But God had other plans and brought us together again. He struggled with lung cancer for the last 2.5 years. Most of the time he did well. It was only at the end he struggled as the brain cancer came back. We spent those last years the same as we had the rest. The last 10 years we found ourselves connecting most the time. You know, how you think something and the other person is thinking the same thing at the same time. Sometimes it was freaky.  I guess that is growing together and closer. I was his caregiver, he would get mad when I keep trying to make him eat but appreciated the daily shakes I made him. I am surprised he never got tired of them. Now that he is gone, I am amazed how much he did even while he was sick.

It is quiet at night (and during the day) and I miss having him here. There is a big void in my life. No one understands unless you have been through it. I feel very alone, half of me is gone. People go on with their lives and I don't want to interfere or intrude. I feel sorry for myself sometimes, especially when I feel like I just live on the fringe of life  unnoticed, more often not. It is surprising how much you talk when someone is with you, and how quiet it is when you are alone. I have to be careful I don't just keep talking when I am with people. I need to get over myself and just get used to the quiet. I don't want to fill things up just to fill things up. I want it to be God's filling, not mine.

I was a recluse for the first 4 months, then decided I needed to go places, and I have. Now it is time to balance. The house needs to be organized and the gardens tended. I am writing this instead of canning my tomatoes.

I don't know what I will do to be involved yet. I had quit everything but Adoration and Mass. I am back to walking the dog most days, joined the gym (but you have to go for it to work), and am changing professions. I have been unhappy at my old job so I am starting new. I got an A in both A&P 1 and 2. CNA and Medical Terminology start this week and next. I am doing something VERY different. I am applying to Sonography School in January as soon as I get my prerequisites out of the way.

I think I will be working part time as a teacher at a traditional Catholic school - if they get enough students.

I am making sure the house is as low cost as possible, hanging out my clothes and making as much of the things I can myself. I insulated the house and am having replacement windows put in. When Don was home he kept the wood stove going so it was always warm.

In the meanwhile, I am going to ask GOD to fill that half of me that is missing. He is the only one that can fill it properly.

Right now I do not know what the future holds, I am living one day at a time. I ask God to be with me and guide me.